Super Balls

Hi, gang. So I hear the sprots happened, but whatever, let’s talk about sex capitalism, babes. And power outages and sideline reporters. Actually, you know what? That might be covered. So it’s all ads now!

I have a mixed relationship with ad criticism. On one hand, mocking dudebro behavior (or appealing to such) is always a worthwhile enterprise to me, and it’s also fucked that shit like the Audi ad still exists. (More on that later.) On the other, people don’t suddenly change their views on culture because Bar Rafaeli made out with a nerd archetype. After all, they’re just selling shit here like trucks and beer and the inexplicable continuation of Vin Diesel’s career. Yet this is art for low culture masses who have never even heard about a film like Winter’s Bone much less would have an interest in watching it.

So instead, I’m going to talk about some shit.


These jokes will not get better. I would rather give a self-aware warning than a feeling of contempt for my audience. This would always be first in the land of critique, because it exposes one of those dated concepts: the gross-out comedy. Somehow in a world where the internet exists, gross out comedy still attracts attention! It’s like how YouTube vids of a woman’s cleavage gets 10 million views when Googling say Stoya’s name (I like her, as you’ll find) pretty much exposes nudity for days. There’s even feminist porn! (As we’ll also talk about.) But like the ad itself, this is giving too much attention to an ad that was going to get it.


You know what’s great about buying cars? They change the properties of the world around you! Everyone, even people you have never met for a long enough period of time to judge any part of consent, is affected by your amazing car! Especially European cars that will totally not get you judged in many American regions of the country. (You know, the same ones that treated the Paul Harvey farmer Dodge ad like it was a reading of the gospel.) But for real, like asking girls to kiss you is a good idea, yeah? If you’re a high schooler, probably do that. And it’s okay to be the awkward dude instead of the brash sexual assaulter with a cockbag’s car. I survived.


I find it funny that advertising is stuck in that age where crossdressing is apparently still fucking hilarious. It’s so evocative of the way ads desperately seek the boom periods of the past, namely the 1990s and its love of crass comedy (of the pre-Apatow vein). There was a particularly bizarre motif on this show, similar to last year, of “difference comedy.” There was old people going to Taco Bell, white dudes making kind of creepy Jamaican rastafarian accents, and Calvin Klein making the greatest underwear ad ever (true comedy for dudebros cringing across the country). That difference comedy sort of always infects Super Bowl ads as a bit of a cheap and easy motif, but it almost never fully commits to the idea. A 30 second ad never gets to the true comedy of white people co-opting black culture (as satire) or the heart of an average guy being fine with feminizing his attire choices for his daughter. It’s all a one joke punchline because that is all a premise that short allows for. What I’m saying is we need the story of normal dudes in drag told by people not named Marlon Wayans. Get John Waters on that?


This is post one. I don’t know where we’re going this week, but keep reading. I would love to see some comments as well. Get your lulz out.


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