TRIGGER WARNING: Some Stupid Shit Put on Twitter on Tuesday and Also Other Things

Here’s the part where I mention what a “trigger warning” is. It is essentially when I am posting material not from myself but from other places that is inflammatory. My mean here is to let the pure dumbness of it ring out, really. I have whited out the names of the Twitter profiles involved because the nature of the platform is generally anonymous to begin with, also people love the shit out of pissing off others to a point that they get responses back. I guess people will call them strawmen because whatever. I don’t really care how you take it. I will have a nice succinct response to each tweet below the thing, though.


I’m going to admit that I’m kind of new to the actual full on stereotypes about feminists or about women in general. I think I’ve heard the cliche that women are bad drivers, but it never made much sense to me. The only accidents I remember were of my male cousin in his Mustang or whatever car of the moment he had. I want to say that my mom wrecked her Chevette once, but that might’ve actually been my dad’s doing. Also, my grandfather is an overly cautious driver who has devolved into the worst driver on the planet. My mom drives a lot. My grandma has to drive a lot. So I guess I don’t get it. Is the punchline that feminists don’t work? That they hate cars? That cars don’t have enough patchouli oil? Sexists, I need your commentary on this.


I should probably put these in a collection, so when we get to sandwich tweets, I guess we’ll talk. But mainly about comedy, since this seems to be an attempt at that.


Or maybe we’ll talk about comedy now. This is something I find particularly interesting, namely the idea that feminism and political correctness wreck the art of telling jokes. And while my defense would be the myriad of amazing comedy specials from the past five years that aren’t uber-PC but probably aren’t the type of “jokes” ole boy is talking about, this goes to a deeper layer of thought about comedy. He (and it is a he despite the blacking out of the name) seems to wish comedy was back to being like this:

And yes, the second search immediately has a YouTube comment reading about how America is a bunch of nannies now. And by the way, this isn’t to say that these comedians didn’t hold humor. Eddie Murphy’s specials are fucking hilarious. This isn’t new information. But watch that bit and try not to seriously find Eddie’s attitude there just a little bit fucked. It’s very hard to defend. I get that comedy as a form has often been about destroying the idea of decency. Andrew Dice Clay in reality at least attempts to purport to not be the biggest misogynist asshole on the planet. Eddie Murphy presumably has gay friends. Both are playing personas here. But the trouble with un-PC comedy is the simple rose-tinted idea that people can’t do this now and thus should DO THIS CONSTANTLY.

Hell, maybe comedy needs to be equaled. I’ll think about this non-PC thing further.


I always thought sandwiches were kind of shitty. Does anyone have any hypotheticals about why women live in a world with all this sandwich meat and guys who really like eating them but not making them? It’s a century old cliche about power dynamics, but it’s also kind of fucked. Is making a sandwich a feminine process in 2013? Should the sandwich artists at Which Wich or Subway or Jimmy Johns be upset because dudes don’t make sandwiches? Oh, I’m taking the hypothetical to a joke with an old premise. This is like the Red Grange of jokes against feminists, only with more deterioration and told by people much worse at football. (Sorry, Red.)


Oh, conservative stuff. By the way, did I note yet that the Violence Against Women Act was passed by the Senate today and that its only stopping point was 22 men, mainly conservatives? Also of note was that a majority of conservatives DID vote for passing, and every woman on the Senate voted for the act’s return. Just a note. By the way, this tweet was also written by a man.


This one was funny because the background was a female underwear model and the guy’s account espoused how he’s an alpha guy. It’s a very conquest nature of thinking, which reminds me of that time I read The Game by Neil Strauss for a class. It always struck me just how over the book’s length, it really felt like the guys involved were actually less interesting creatures than the beginning form before the pick-up game. Other than the gross implications, I always thought memorizing an algorithm was one of the most boring ideas to set up having sex in the history of both sexuality and memory techniques. So I guess I don’t get where men who want to present themselves as poon hounds (on a nerdy fucking form of technology with an invention that is essentially blamed for allegedly turning people into introverts) go with their lives, really. I guess masturbation’s too gross.


This is the closest to attempting variance in a joke, but the bottom part seems funnier to me for some reason. It would be awesome if this really dumb rye joke was timely in February 2008 for no reason at all.


I presume she might be making a reference to Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, although the complete vagueness of the point is probably in reference to…well, I don’t know, exactly. Was there a hidden movement for female-based writing to become selfish and wreck literature? Was that why people were looking at me funny for reading the Mindy Kaling book? Or again, does she not know what she’s talking about since a shitload of great books were all about selfishness, male or female?


Ugh, I didn’t want to go into the more striking complex topic here. I have no information to give on the subject of rape fantasies. I know nothing about them, and any effort to decry or defend them should be left to people who know what the hell they’re talking about. But I do want to know these stats. I don’t know “most women” so do they believe this? (My hypothesis is no, but again, I know nothing on the matter.) Do “many think it’s true” often? Did this happen to the guy (surprise, it’s a guy, I know)? Or more accurately, do the questions even matter because it’s anti-consent bullshit? (My hypothesis is this.)


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